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Are you attending to your marriage? |
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Written by Fr. Charles Joanides
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This article is adapted from the first of Fr.
Charles' ongoing series of talks on The Ark's
ongoing segment, "Theologically Thinking." Tune in to The Ark to hear Fr. Charles and others share the
insights of the Orthodox Christian faith!
Because of my focus and expertise in the area of marriage and family, the staff
has invited me to share some insights related to marriage and family with you,
with a particular focus on marriage. Today I'd like to begin by asking you to
think about the following observations.
In our society, we hear a great deal about the importance of attending to our
individual needs, our career's needs, our family's needs, and our children's
needs. But we hardly ever hear about the importance of taking care of our
marriage's needs. Let me expand a bit on this last statement.
I'm sure that you would agree with me when I say that we live in a society that
values the individual, and by extension our individual needs. Messages related
to our taking care of our individual needs flood popular media. Common
questions like, "What's your cholesterol count?"; "Are you exercising enough?";
"What are you eating?"; "Are you taking time out for you?" These are typical of
what I mean.
Then again, we're also regularly reminded of the merits of attending to our
career, and what it will take to advance and succeed in our businesses. In
particular we're constantly reminded that ample time and attention is needed if
we want to advance in our careers and succeed in the business world today.
We also hear messages related to the importance of attending to our family's
needs. "Take time for family." "A family that prays together stays together."
These are two examples of typical messages that prompt us to care for our
family's needs. Closely related to these messages are messages related to
attending to our children's needs. Those of you who have been blessed with
children well know what I'm talking about. Messages like: "Do you know where
your children are?"; "Read to your children."; "Spend more time with your
children." These are typical examples of what parents regularly hear, reminding
us of our children's needs and our parental responsibilities.
But often do we hear anything about the value of taking care of our marriage's
needs? As I stated earlier, I would submit to you: not very often. Yet the fact
remains that marriages also have needs. In my work as a priest, researcher, marriage
and family specialist, and especially in my own marriage, I've come to realize
that unless we attend to our marriages needs, like so many marriages today we
will slowly but surely drift apart towards separation, and in far too many
cases divorce.
I've presided over numerous marriages and helped hundreds of couples prepare
for marriages. And without exception, every couple I've prepared for marriage
has entered the community of marriage with the intention of cultivating a
mutually satisfying marriage. One that's fulfilling for both partners. I don't
know how many of the couples I've prepared for marriage have achieved this
objective. I hope they all have. At least that's always one of my main goals
when I do pre-marital preparations.
What I do know however is that many couples today are failing to get to this
mutually satisfying place. After working with thousands of couples, one thing
I've come to understand is that couples who manage to cultivate mutually
satisfying relationships are also the couples who have attended to their
marriage's needs on a daily basis.
Are you attending to your marriage? If you are, then may our Lord help you to
continue to do more of the same. If you're not, then 25 years of experience
working with couples has taught me that you need to make some changes. In the
coming weeks and months, I'll be offering information that can help. I hope you'll
tune in and listen. And if you have any questions or concerns regarding
anything that I say, you can email me at
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
. Until my next
commentary, may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God the Father,
and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you. Amen.
Fr. Charles Joanides, Ph.D., LMFT, serves
as Researcher for the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America's Department of Marriage
and Family.
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